It's a WAR Zone out there!

I can official say.... I DID IT! I survived the training, the nerves and the 13.1 miles! It felt great! I took the advice of many and just enjoyed the run. I didn't push to hard, I didn't get overwhelmed in the take off speed and I DIDN'T let that hill slow me down. I did take in the sights, I did enjoy it enough to say I am ready for #2, and I did learn A LOT!

Have you been to War? I haven't but I experienced a small part of what it might feel like being in a war. Don't get me wrong the run was beautiful (nothing like war zones) but here's how I saw my first War Zone Run!

17,000 people all lined up! Nervous, pumped and ready to GO!.. Some were ready to beat their own times, some were willing to give up everything inside them just to cross that finish line in a "place" setting, and some like myself were hoping to just plain survive! The horn blows and minute by minute thousands of people take off running. There is people screaming and cheering... Most runners probably just happy to start the journey just so they could be done with it (Myself included) . I tried my best to control my excitement to ensure I wouldn't burn out. Jodi helped by keeping me distracted by the 100's of people running PAST me. Reminding me of my pace, to soak up the imagine of the sea of people, and not to forget to look at the beautiful sea we were running along. A few miles in Jodi and I separated...There I was on my own! I kept looking for someone with a pace I could follow, I quickly learned that was going to be harder than I thought. With thousands of people how could you not find a running buddy?!? We came around the corner and there it was THE hill, I was ready for it..Everyone warned me it was coming. I was determined not to let it slow me down. I found my person and started to trail behind him. I was surprised at how well I felt at this point. My run keeper every 5 minutes replaying my current and average pace. I stayed steady. I stayed close to my unknown pacer. Maybe to close he about ran me over as we made our turn.  He apologize and I did to I told him its totally my fault I've been stalking you for about a mile now, Your pace seem steady and one I could keep up with. We strike up a conversation and the next few miles seemed to go by faster, he talked about school and his girlfriend..I shocked him with my years of marriage and head count of boys. This was his second half, so he was telling me about the 3 phases your body goes through while running in a half. I THOUGHT I had found my running buddy, by mile 6 my buddy was slowing down..he was getting weaker.. as a matter of fact I looked around and lots of people were starting to look weak and pale. I was starting to thinking something was wrong with me I felt great?!? was I not pushing hard enough? was this actually a dream and I wasn't really running? I tried to encourage my buddy but he turned to me looking like death and said I don't want to slow you down.. keep going, I have to stop and walk..Good Luck! Make those boys proud! and just like that he was out. I text my husband at Mile 7 to say I was half way and feeling great!

The point were we turned around and made our way back into town was where I started to really notice I was running in a WAR ZONE! At this point we were running in direct sunlight not far from the beach, that beautiful view and salty air now sucking up what little bit of hydration that was left of others. Come mile 8 people were dropping like flies.. For some reason that song "Let the bodies hit the floor" came to mind.  I have only heard it a few time in my brothers car but it seemed like it fit the scene in my head perfectly.  On the side of the road people hurled over, bloody noses, stretching and crying. Friends encouraging each other to not give up and the occasional ambulance driving by. I tried not to let the war scene distract me. Near a water station I saw Jodi across the way . It felt good to see Jodi again smiling as usual, and quick high five and I refilled my water bottle added my Nun's to my water and kept on running UNTIL...I GOT SHOT IN THE EYE! I too had became a part of the ZONE. I scream so loud everyone around me stopped to look. My water bottle exploded and shot me right in the eye. I stopped in my tracks.. people continued to run past me.. finally some kind old lady said I saw the explosion.. here lets flush your eye with clean water. I got most of it out and thanked her. I started running the best I could with my now blind left eye and my right eye being blinded by the sun (Nun's is fizzy.. note to self NEVER add fizzy tablets to water while running) The last three miles were tough. My body was like OK enough already! We are use to no more than 10 miles! What are you doing??!!  I was starting to see more and more people stopping.. many slowing down to walk.. part of me wanting to stop too.  I was tired but still feeling good.  I didn't stop I was to scared too! What if I stopped just for a second?! I knew if I did I may never get going again. I had to push through. I slowed down only to check on a lady who was crying grabbing her leg. She told I am fine I am use to this... WHAT?! That is not normal... Granted I am no running expect but if something you love is making you cry.. It isn't working out well. I looked around and the strong and steady were still strong and steady (tired but still moving) the pistols at take off were crying, the untrained looking like they were going to puke and then there was me.. Blind, tired but inside feeling amazing inside. As I got closer to the finish line there were people lining the streets cheering, welcoming us back from our journey,  tired and weak the cheers keeping us going. I kept combing the crowd looking for faces I knew trying to stay focused and not slow down. Finally I see my husband standing on the side of the road. Just the sight of him kept me going.. It was a sweet relief that my journey was almost over. The closer I got to the finish line the louder the people and music got. Than finally 2:33.33 later I crossed that finish line to the loudest scream .... YOU DID IT NIKKI!! YAY!! There stood Cara my soldier who had fought the battle...and then stood there waiting an hour to be there when I crossed the battle field into the safe zone. I just about fell into her. I didn't know if I should scream too or cry. I did both! I had did it! She said I have something for you but put your ear buds back in....Better than any medal.. a video of my babies cheering for me. My whole goal in life is to make them proud. To be the best mom and wife I can be for them. My heart melted. I did it!  Not just for me but for them!  To prove to them nothing is impossible. I got medal of honor , then we walked through the line of here eat this, drink this, and take this blanket. Still trying to soak in the scenes. Cara pointed out a guy sitting with a IV bag attached to him. People hugging, crying, tired, weak, proud and search for their friends and family to share their war zone stories. As we walked around I realized the sacrifice my friend had made to stand there waiting for me for over an hour. After running 13 miles and you suddenly stop...Your body shuts down. You have to keep moving just to keep moving! To still be standing an hour after her run was a true sacrifice. Thank you for waiting for me and following me through this journey. You were there from the start with my YAY I ran my first mile without stopping, to me crossing the finish line of my first time EVER running 13.1 miles. Your courage, strength and beauty in life is always inspiring to me. Someone who has been through so much and has done so with the most grace possible. I couldn't have done it without you! THANK YOU!

Cara and I walked around until I found my husband in the sea of people. Another hug and we parted ways. Skip and I walked into the tent where people were asleep on the ground, stretching, laughing and some crying in pain. I walked past a girl laying on the ground screaming and crying while her husband stretched her leg out. YIKES. As for me I thankfully wasn't blind anymore, feeling great, and happy to be by the side of a man who has supported me through all my crazy ideas! Although this one wasn't that crazy after all... I am ready for #2! While the scene was pretty nuts at times the journey was unforgettable! Watching how people tested and pushed their bodies, how they fought through the mental blocks of "this was a good idea 3 months ago" " What are you thinking?!" and the one I personally have to block allllll the time.. "You can't do this, fat girls don't run!" and I now knew the sense of pride many felt after they were done. Out of 17,000 people they said half were first timers. That meant 8,500 people were hopefully  feeling the same way I was feeling. At one point thinking I can't do this now crossing that line KNOWING they can! I love the quote " I may not be the strongest, I may not be the fastest, But I'll be damned if I am not trying my hardest"  Kind of sums up my whole running journey.

As for those negative thoughts that said fat girls don't run..... It made the run that much sweeter to prove them wrong.. I trained, I ran, I conquered and this girl will keep running for her life! One mile at a time!  Ok Maybe 5 miles at a time, or 8, or 13.1........or 26.2?! NAH! Not this year!

It all started with a mile.

Have you ever read that Dr. Seuss book "Because a little bug with KA-CHOO!" ?  The book goes through these things that happened all because this bug sneezed.  It starts out with something little and before you know it this HUGE thing happens all because this tiny bug sneezed.  That is kinda how my running story has been.  Expect no one sneezed.  It started out just wanting to get out of the house and in NO way was my goal to be a runner.  I just needed a break.  I slowly started setting fitness goals for myself and before I had even ran my first 10K I had signed up for my first half!  What was I thinking?!? Right? WRONG! For once I was thinking!!  I was thinking there is nothing stopping me from doing it but my own self doubt.   You see I still see myself as the chubby girl that couldn't even walk a mile let alone run it.  I still struggle with that girl every time I step out the day for a run.  I spend the first 2 miles fighting with myself doubt.  The voice in my head saying "You cant do this... Your not a runner!"  and I have to find those voices that says "Yes you can!  You have and You will.. You've done it before and you can do it again!"  Many times that voice is not my own voice,  its the voices of people who have supported me, encouraged me and believed in me when I was to weak to believe in myself.  The feeling I get when I am done with a 6, 7, 8 mile run is so hard to explain to someone.  The feeling of proving to yourself that you CAN do something you thought you never could is life changing!!  My goal for 2012 was to find people in my life and share that feeling with them.  Not just make this journey my own but encourage others to get out there and PROVE YOURSELF WRONG!  Because it feels darn good when you do!  and it feels even better when you help someone prove to themselves they can too!  The best thing about struggling is being able to say to someone "I have been there" " I know how you feel" "Look how far I have come"  Where I once sat in pity over my struggles,  I now can rejoice in knowing my struggles can encourage others.   I can look back at all the times I felt proud of myself! and all the times I cried after I finished a mileage I never thought I could do...and YES I still cry.  Just last weekend as I was finishing up my 8 mile run I started to cry because like always I started my run thinking I couldn't do it but proved to myself yet again! That the voice in my head that says I CAN'T..... IS NOTHING BUT A LIAR!   I CAN AND I WILL!

18 days and counting until Surf City! 

There's always room for more and MORE!

I am a confused Christmas FREAK! I L-O-V-E everything about it.  The sights, sounds and smells.  The chaos, friends, the family and the SURPRISE!  The Thursday night before Christmas we eagerly awaiting the Polk's to get here.  They were coming with little Oliver! Washing sheets, prepping rooms, making lists and checking them twice!  All the kids were tucked in bed by the time the Polk's made it here (My 5 plus we got the extra surprise of HANNAH! Just the start of this seasons surprises)  After late night cuddles with Oliver we were off to bed for a fun filled day tomorrow!

We spent the morning in our jammies catching up, cuddling and cooing over Oliver.
When my older brother Neal is here there never a second where he isn't trying to make me cry or dare me to do something for $20!  This time was no different.  He dared me to drink goats milk but not just any goats milk! It was this thick yogurt goats milk that smelt rancid! With all the boys watching I was going to show them One taste on my tongue and I am OUT!  NO freaking way I will swallow any of that!..Dean pipes up with I'll do it for $20!  Fine I pass the torch to you dear child!  GROSS he did it!  I was gagging watching him!  EWW! Boys are G R O S S

 Lunch time and we all got ready to celebrate a early Christmas with Nana and Papa.  The wrapping paper flying begins!  The "Thank you, you didn't have to do that  No seriously you REALLY shouldn't have" gifts were opened we decide a trip to the mall to see Santa then some dinner was a great idea!  Yes I said the Friday before Christmas going to the mall with 6 Adults and 6 kids to see Santa was a GREAT idea for family bonding.  We loaded into three cars and made our way to the mall.  The second we pulled into the mall I thought "who's stupid idea was this anyways?!?"  oh that's right MINE..GEZZ! who lets me be in charge!... My husband pulled to the front of the mall to drop me off so I could go stand in line to see Santa and with train of cars following him he went to find the one and only parking spot in the mall.  I rushed through the food court avoiding all the sample and made my way to the center of the mall to see SANTA!  Thank God the line isn't THAT long.  I ask the last guy in line "Is this the end of the line?" he said but your going to have to ask them if you can get in line"  What is this some kind of mother may I game?!? NOT FUNNY !... The young worker said "Santa is closed he is going on break"  Me: "WHAT? Santa is going on break?! I thought he worked 24 hrs a day the days before Christmas!" To which the young guy who couldn't even crack a smile said " Yes Break he is closed from 5pm-6pm"  PERFECT! its only 4:05! Where do I stand in line? Now the older grumpy elf (I am assuming she isn't thrilled that she was born into a life of elfhood by the I hate my job look on her face) says.  Ma'am there is no way Santa can see all these people already here in a hour so we have to cap the line... (I am sure Santa knows a thing about capping! he is probably going to get drunk just so he can deal with his attitude filled elves!) I tried begging to get in that line, making funny Santa jokes, getting irritated nope those elves were budging.... NO SANTA FOR YOU!   I quickly called everyone from the group NO ONES ANSWERING!  Finally I get a hold of my mom and practically scream DON'T GET ANYONE OUT OF THE CAR!  SANTA IS LEAVING! I REPEAT DON'T GET THE KIDS OUT OF THE CAR!  Oh ok sweetie! I will tell them.... Just then my husband called to say we are heading towards the Food court! UGH! NO DON'T SANTA IS UNION AND NEEDS A BREAK!  To late!  I quickly ask around DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE THERE IS ANOTHER SANTA?  I NEED ANOTHER SANTA LOCATION STAT!  To which one sweet lady in line says.. Well Santa was at the Thursday night main street event last night...He was a good Santa too! REALLY! LADY! How the heck is that going to help me?  Are you trying to win mother of the year for taking your kids to see all the Santa's in the county?!  GREAT YOU WIN!  NOW where can I see Santa NOW TODAY!?  I need Santa right this minute my boys are getting closer...I need a detour! By now there was a crowd of ticked off parents because the sign says Santa goes to feed his reindeer's from 5-6pm NOT 4-6pm... Cant we form another line for 6pm?! NOPE not till 5:30.  I turned to the grumpy old elf and said Do you know if the old mall has a Santa this year? How about the Outlets?  To which she finally cracked a smile to say.. No.. The closest one is Exeter and I bet he is closed already..NICE thanks!  I pushed my way through sad kids and mad parents to go get my boys.  We meet up just so I could break the news,  Santa has a drinking problem and... KIDDING!  I came up with some story about how Santa has to check his reindeer blah blah! we are leaving the mall and going to dinner... Santa will have to wait until tomorrow.. Broken hearted we headed back to the car.. Across town we drove to have dinner as a family.  The rest of the night was a blur of food, laughs, and noise.  We said our good-byes to Nana and Papa and made our way home.. Baths and bed time for everyone didn't come soon enough.   After all were asleep Suzanne and I decorated the Kitchen table for a surprise Christmas eve morning good-bye  breakfast from the elf on the shelf... That elf sure out did himself with the fun table setting :)  Christmas day 1 DOWN~!  Just two more to go!

Christmas eve morning I tried to sneak out of the house before everyone woke up to get 7 miles in.  Getting out of the house before EVERYONE was up SUCCESS! Getting 7 miles in UNSUCCESSFUL!  By mile 2 I could feel the cold I had for over 2 weeks really kicking in.   I was fatigued to say the least, I decided I would push through.. We stopped along the way at Lowes for a potty and water break...That was scary as I stood backing looking at myself  in the mirror I realized the cold was getting the best of me.. I wasn't going to give up..at least not without a fight.  We started back out on the road, my chest was getting tight, i was sweating like a pig (maybe a fever nikki?!), and I just felt weak.  Since I started running I havent had a "ugly" run.. I have had plenty of WOW that was hard runs  but none as ugly as this.   4 miles in I decide this was stupid.  I was sick and should be at home in bed.  I broke from the group to make the 1.5 miles back to my car.  I thought about walking back but I was already beating myself up for not finishing the whole 7 miles.  I stumbled back to the parking lot with a total of  5.53 miles in under a hour..Not bad for being sick... I headed home to shower and start prepping Breakfast by now I am sure the boys found the surprise.

 Before I could even make it to the door the boys were screaming MOMMY LOOK WHAT THE ELF DID!!  LOOK!! I was excited that they were so excited! I showered quickly and started in on the reindeer pancakes.  In the midst of all the cooking and screaming my sister in law Kris called... Nikki can we Skype? ummm SURE why not! then she could see the craziness going on and maybe the boys could calm down talking to her... Neal and I tried to figure out how to skype from any of our devices and we were having no luck... I heard out in the living room.. GRANNY AND PAPA are here... I didn't pay any attention since just yesterday Luca yelled JESUS is in our backyard Beau LOOK it's JESUS! I continued on with trying to figure out skype... Soon I looked around and the kids and Hubby were gone.. The bacon burning in the pan, I looked around the corner of the kitchen to the front door to yell at Skip for burning the bacon when I saw everyone crowed around the door and My in laws standing there....WOAH! Granny and Papa were really here... Why is this a WOAH.. We'll you see Granny and Papa live in MINNESOTA! Not a drive down the coast line but a we flew across the US trip.   What a special treat.  SURPISED AGAIN! In the almost 13 years we have been together we have never had them here for Christmas!  Hugs, tears, and lots of  love we made our way back to the kitchen for a even better SURPRISE breakfast.. MAN that Elf  is GOOD!  way to make a exit buddy! 



 We ate and got ready to head to see Santa! We got to the mall just in time to see Santa leave on break again! This time it was ok, they allowed us to line up.  We broke off  into groups.  I stayed in line with Oliver, Dad took the toddlers to the play area, and the older boys broke off  with granny/auntie/ and uncle.  It got close to Santa coming back and everyone made their way back to the line, I started prepping my camera so I could take my own pictures with my own camera for $5!  But it sure beat the starting price of $22 if Santa's helper took your picture. (Thats how Santa gets gifts for all the kids by over charging their parents for priceless memories and a picture with him)  We were next in line and I informed the grumpy elf we were back and were going to take several poses with my camera.. 1) picture of just the baby  2) of all the kids and Oliver 3) just my boys 4) of everyone... and her reply was Ok you ca try but Santa doesn't like it when people use THOSE kinds of cameras (Nikon D40) Well Santa can just get over it! because I don't like it when he closes the line an hour before his break time!..  Santa was actually really nice about the many pose changes.. I think its mostly because we formed a plan before we got to him and shocked and awe him with  all the ids adults and requested...We took all our pictures and started to walk away and he said WAIT! you didn't tell me what you wanted for Christmas! Oh yeah! that's right Santa! Thank you! ..... Santa didn't seem to mind all the chaos one bit... THANKS MALL SANTA!

 All 11 of us got ready to head to Christmas eve candle light service.  We made it ON TIME!  The boys had helped me make some goodies bags to hand out to the kids since it was a family service, the boys started in right away with handing out their baggies to each kid.  After service started Pastor Joel made sure everyone had candles...YES even the kids(insert mini panic attack) THANK goodness no fire!...YET! As he started to share how one light can spread he called his adorable boys up to light their candles then share their flames. THEN......he called ALL the kids up front to light their candles and walk around with them and light the adults candles (insert MAJOR panic attack) I was in the back of the church with the toddlers I couldn't go up there with them.   I watch as they made their ways to the front.  I was praying that Ethan didn't try to caught something or someone on fire! I chased Wesley to the front and as I grabbed him I looked up to see three of the sweetest boys carefully lighting others candles.  Proud mommy moment! I stood there holding a wiggling 2 year old watching as one by one my boys helped spread their lights for Christ.  I couldn't help but get watery eyed seeing how the room lite up by the smallest of lights.  After all lights were lite, parents breathed a sigh of relief, and kids were sited, I looked down our row of 11 and felt very blessed. I have 5 healthy boys, an amazing husband, the special gift of sharing Christmas with my in laws, a precious new nephew, and a wonderful brother and sister in law who make the 5 hour drive to our house every year (a couple times a year).  Thank you Jesus for blessing me more than I deserve. You are our reason for the season.

 It is our tradition to do a MASSIVE wrapping on Christmas eve.   Suzanne and I spend hours wrapping while the guys assemble gifts.  Its actually LOTS of fun!  Tons of laughs.  I like it this way... There is nothing exciting about looking at wrapped gifts for weeks under a tree or stacked in a office some where.. So we MASSIVE wrap!! This Christmas eve, we wrapped, assembled and I finished crafting my gifts.  I wrote about how Christmas was going to change at our house this year and it went REALLY!!!!! well :) I will post my crafts next.  I remember that Skip's gift was at a friends house. I didnt want him to know so I sent him to on Christmas eve for trash bags to Walgreens I raced to my friends house to go get his Saw.  I threw it in Neal's car and raced back home Neal came running out to the car and said LEAVE it in there he is coming! no way he would see it.. JUST help me! He was laughing so hard I said forget it I'll do it myself.  I wiggled it out of the driver seat door just as I came to the back of the car Skip came around the cornor .... Neal still laughing and I know sprinting into the house carrying a huge saw, I threw the door open and rushed back to Dean's room... I threw that door open flug the saw box on the bed and started to run out.  Poor Suzanne sitting there trying to nurse was like What the heck just happened?  Neal now in the house crying from laughing so hard at me running with a huge box, says act natural! OH OK!   Never a dull moment here!

Christmas morning couldn't come quick enough... I am like one of the kids pacing around waiting for everyone to get here and get up! Finally the moment arrives and we line the boys up by age (like we do every year) and they RUN down the hallway to see how the living room transformed into a Christmas wonderland! Screams and Hollers fill the room!  I try to take it all in because I know one day they will grow up and the cheers of what Santa left will be over.  The day was filled with gifts, food , visit, memories and crying! YES crying! Dean snuck and got me and dad something at the mall while walking around with Uncle Neal and Aunt Suz.  He handed me this wrapped box and I already started to cry.  I opened it up and it was a Make a Wish foundation snow globe... Engraved inside it said Expect Miracles Every Day... It started playing A Wish Your Heart Makes...... I lost it! Everything stood still and I cried like a baby.  There stood my tween boy with tears in his eyes telling me how much he loved me and how he used his goats milk money and savings to buy Dad and I a gift... Dad got a pen from Things to Remember as well. Guess my brother wins again!  He helped make me cry.  Thank you Neal and Suzanne for always helping make Christmas special :) This one extra special, sharing Oliver's first Christmas with us and being wonderful Aunt and Uncle to our boys.

I would definitely say this was THE best Christmas EVER!  We made room for more at the table, more memories and more laughs! We cut back our spending on Christmas gifts this year but didn't cut back any of the memories made! 

I'm gonna make it this Christmas!

I was raised in a military family and we didn't have much money growing up.  Our Christmas's were far from grand and we hardly got what we "wanted" usely what we "needed".   When I got married and started having kids I knew I wanted my kids to have these GRAND Christmas's.  Every Christmas being one they would NEVER forget.  Well that hasn't happened! I cant even remember what the boys got last year.  Let alone expect them too! By no means are my boys spoiled, as a matter of fact they have had "friends" come over and say some hurtful things about how little they actually have and when the boys ask "why does this person have a playstation 3?" or "My friends mom bought them the new DS 3D before Christmas"  I joking tell them " That is because their parents obviously love them more than I Love you! Right!?"  sometimes I get the " RIGHT!" however most of the time they will reply with something like "MOM you love us!" "Your right I do!SO much that I don't have to buy you things for you to know that.. You obviously know it without a playstation 3 or a DS before Christmas"

   I buy my boys things only 3 times a year.  Back to School, Christmas and their Birthday's. I try with each to show them just how blessed they are with what they have.  Back to School we donated filled back packs to kiddos in need, at Christmas we volunteer at the Mission as well as "adopt" children and we try to be as involved as possible in different community events, and their Birthday's they select a charity and collect items for it instead of gifts from their FRIENDS (they still get things from us).   If during the year they have a want... They earn it! Yes the old fashion way.   Not the go wash my car and I will give you $10...HA! Go wash my car and you get a $1 way.  I see more and more kids these day with that sense of entitlement.  Just because your parents have money does NOT mean you are entitled to it.   My children's generation is the work less expect more generation.  I refuse to let that be my boys... See they are only boys for just a little while, they will be men most their lives.  Men that will be proving for themselves as well as their own families.  Men that I hope grow up to be like their dad in the sense that he would do anything to provide for his family.  He doesn't think anyone owes him anything.  He never asks for anything.  His mama raised him right, he cooks, he cleans, he provides and doesn't NORMALLY complain. 

  Back to how Christmas is changing here.   This year the boys and I talked how we wanted to blessed families this year.  They decided they wanted to "adopt" a child through Open Arm Ministry.  It's base is in Mexico and is a pretty cool ministry.  They each wanted to pick their own kid.  I explain to them that to each have their own child to adopt was a lot of money and that may mean they each will get less this year for themselves.  My oldest Dean was the first to say " I'm IN! That's OK..I don't need anything this year"  the other 2 were on board too... YIKES! how do I say No to that! We took home 4 kids Christmas stars (One for each of the older boys and one for the babies to share...Totally their idea) As soon as we left church they wanted to know everything... HOW OLD IS MY BOY? WHAT'S HIS NAME? WHAT GRADE IS HE IN?... Their Christmas stars are placed on their tiny tree in the dining room and checked almost daily.  They refer to the star like they are truly real people... HEY WHERE IS DANNY? MOM! Did Beau run off with Danny AGAIN?!?  Its sweet to see that they are not just a face on a star... They get it!  They really GET IT!  Those are real children with true needs! That otherwise wouldn't get anything without my precious boys.  I know Christmas not about the gifts the child will receive but Christ love my boys just showed to a prefect stranger.  How they unselfishly without a second thought give up something.  Just as Christ did for us.  I thought a lot about my boys and how I pray their hearts stay soft like that forever.  Its hard in this world where so much is put on what you have.  I could buy my boys so much more than what they have BUT why?? so they can want more?  So they can slowly become other children who want and want and want and put their own wants in front of others NEEDS.  Nah! I think I will pass. We are also helping out a local family in need and will be involved in a few other things.  Super excited to watch how they get filled with joy from sharing with others.

  Last night  I was sitting on the couch writing a note to Luca's teacher and Dean came up next to me and started to snuggle up to me.  Sounds sweet.. I was actually a bit annoyed I was trying to write a note in my prettiest handwriting and he kept bumping me.  I turned to him and said (Insert MOM voice..No not sweet mom.. you are driving me crazy voice)  "Dean! Seriously! Do you need something? Can you stop until I am done!? Cant you see I am writing something?"  Tears start to fill his eyes and he said " I am sorry Mom it can wait."  (still in MOM voice because  I was annoyed that now he was crying)  No Dean What? Why are you crying? What is SO important you need to cry over it?"   He pulled $5 from behind his back and "Here I want you to have this.  You work hard for us and you love us and I wanted to show you I love you too!"  (insert I am the worst mom of the year voice) "Dean  I am so sorry I have been so busy and still have so much to do that I didn't take the chance to just stop to show you love back...Truth is Dean I don't need the $5 to show that you love and appreciate me.. You just did by giving ME your time!"    YIKES did I mess that UP!  The note totally could of waited.  Lots of things I WANTED to get done can wait.  I needed to just stop and give my tween age boy that still wants to love on his mama my time and love back.

I decided this Christmas I wont go overboard on Christmas out of guilt that I don't give my boys STUFF all year long. They are obviously just fine without that STUFF.   I am going to give them my time..The time it takes me to MAKE them gifts, my time one on one doing thing they enjoy (that can be torture for me sometimes because I hate to sit still and they love to play Lego's and you have to sit still mom games) and time to listen to what they truly need.    Yes I have bought my boys some pretty cool gifts but instead of giving them EVERY one of the gifts I bought I am going to donate some and leave some in the attic for another time.  My boys showed me this past weekend that they don't need that stuff and they will be just fine without all that STUFF under the tree.   I have found some pretty neat fun ways to share my time with the boys and present it in gift form.   I am excited for the boys to open them up.  My joy cup overflows with knowing they won't mind one bit that this Christmas won't be like others.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME! :)

Turkey's , Tutu's and 5k(ISH)

What a turn out at the Visalia Emergency Aid Thanksgivng race. I heard between walkers and runners they had close to 4,000 people! This was my first time attending the "Turkey Trot" I had watched before from the Kmart parking lot ( yes I was shopping on Thanksgiving morning) I was told people love to dress up for this race so I was IN!! Some girls were going as Christmas trees, my crew and I were Turkey's in Tutu's.. As I stood in the mirror Thanksgivng morning at 6am looking like a well feed turkey I started thinking maybe shopping would be more fun! Just not in this tutu! Then the sound of my boys all excited, getting ready, taking about what they should eat before their first 5k the thought of shopping quickly left (no need to panic it comes back!) I finished getting ready and went into the kitchen to see sleepy smiles talking about racing and their friends that were coming with. 7:00 came fast the boys and I loaded into Cara's car with her two and Petey.. Total count so far 2 Turkey's in tutu's, 4 boys ( Dean was with Brandon) and a dog! We pulled up, got out and I saw NO one but us dressed up! Oh well! I spent 2 days making tutu's, shirts and headbands we were rocking the turkey suit. We made our way through the crowd to meet the rest of our flock? Found Dean Found Brandon! We were ready to go... The boys were excited!! Go time was soon, we pinned the numbers on all the boys (total count now 2 Turkeys, 6 boys and 1 dog that doesn't like crowds) and gave them the talk about staying close and looking out for weirdos (not that their own moms wouldn't fall under the "weirdo" classification total count of "dressed up" people about 8 trees, 4 turkeys and 1 Santa out of 4,000 people!!) 8am an we were off! The boys were like rubber bands shooting off the start line.. Cara and I warned the boys to SLOW down they would never make through the 3.1 miles AND boy were we RIGHT I don't even think we made it a half mile before it started! I'm hot! I'm dehyradated! Are we there yet? How much longer?!? After a pep talk they would shoot off again and then it starts all over! You can do this.. Slow and steady boys! No your not going to die! No I can't carry you, No we aren't almost there, Yes you will make it to Thanskgivng dinner, Yes we aregoing to finish this today.. At times Cara and I laughing so hard looking at our FUBB group of 6 boys, 1 dog and 2 Turkey's knowing people must think we are crazy. New flash! We are crazy! We had this vision of what it would be like to trot with our gang but we both knew it would be nothing like that. As we were trucking through..We saw it!! OUR way out! A large group of people that had just finished a loop. We blended right in with them shaving a half a mile or so off the path.. The boys were a bit concerned that we were suppose to turn and not go straight with the others but like good moms we assured them that was the group of walkers blending in with the 5k runners like us! The boys got a second wind when Barrett found a dollar and we turned the corner onto Bridge street.. The crowd of people still cheering after 43 mins! Thank goodness! The boys were super excited to cross the finish line of their first 5k(ish) They were talking about their next races already, finish times and goals..Of course we were proud of our little guys! As I stood back taking in their joy and smiles.. I was reminded running isnt always about goal times, PR'ing and winning.. Its about the memories you make along the journey. Was it nuts? Yes! Was it something I would do all the time? NOPE! But did I love being with my boys? You bet! Did we get good laughs and great memories? For Sure!! Does Thanksgiving day Turkey Trot 2011 start a FUBB tradition of 5k'ing with our boys Thanksgivng morning? YEP and to me.. It will be a sad Thanksgiving when it's not a 5k(ish) because that means our boys are growing up!

Mom your eyebrows look....

I went to the mall to stag a couple of deals at Old Navy.. And that I did! After Old Navy Cara and I went to the eye brow threading place. My eyebrows were in bad shape! I laid there in the worst pain wondering why in the world I do this.. It hurts!! All done! I thought they looked great until Ethan runs the next morning give me a kiss goodbye starts to run away and studdenly turns back and say MOM what happened to your eye brows!?! They look ANGRY !! Nice! Thanks Ethan!!

Skinny girls must eat cupcakes in front of their kids.. If you need me I will be in the laundry room!

In my quest to be healthier I took all the food that calls me by name and hide them in the laundry room.. Out of sight out of mind. Right!?! Well for the most part. I was starting a load of clothes when I looked up in the cabinets and empty boxes were falling out of the cabinets.. Dang it I hate when my boys leave empty boxes in the cabinets. I grabbed the box and ONE just ONE cupcake fell out.. Hmm! It would be wrong to leave that cupcake in the cabinet alone with all those other healthy lunch snacks.. No telling what or who would eat up that cupcake. With no one watching I opened the cupcake and just as I started to take a bite Beau comes in

Beau- "mommy what doing?" ( are you kidding me? Its like he has a sixth sense)

I hide the cupcake (yes I hide the cupcake in hopes of not sharing it with my two year old)

Me-"Nothing Beau why?"

Beau- "mommy you got cupcake? Beau wants cupcake too"

Me- "nope no cupcake"

Beau- MOMMY YOU GOT CUPCAKE?!?

Me- NO BEAU now go find Wesley..

Beau- FESLEY MAMA CUPCAKE!!
What is this crap!?! Why doesnt someone warn you as a mom nothing is ever just yours! Not your coffee, food, or hell even your time in the shower. I know what a priest feels like now that I have kids the second I get in the shower someone comes in with something to confess, something ridicules to ask, or has someone they just have to tattle on! And there I am stuck in a box listening to all their crap and I dont even have chose.. Sure I could open the door an yell at them and scare them to death and possibly make them blind but that would just be one more thing I would have to deal with when I got out. Oh right cupcakes! Back to the cupcakes!

(Wesley of course comes running!)

Beau- FESLEY mama got cupcake ( what is this? Are you freaking kidding me?)

Wesley- ME ME!!

Me- Fine! Here you can have some.. But not the top
(I break off a tiny piece for them)

Beau- NO mama!! That! (pointing to the top)

Me- No Beau that's mama's part

Beau- No Beaus part!

Me- FINE...I didn't want the now sweaty cupcake anyways!

Beau- thank you mama!

Me- yeah!

I get it now... Skinny chicks must eat cupcakes in front of kids!

(side note when Ethan got home he said WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST CUPCAKE!?! I was going to eat it!! I yelled I FREAKEN WAS TO ETHAN! )